Our Life/Love Bowl

Last year, Chad and I had family issues.  Unfortunately it was one of those things where you lose trust in your partner, something happens, and your life just falls apart.  It is moments like that where you have no words to describe to them how you feel, what they have put you through, and how it can make it impossible to put things back together like they were.

It took a few weeks before I could even talk to him, I could not look at him, yet I still could not picture my (our) life without him... He was staying at a friends house as I needed time to sort my words.  As it was, I found I truly had no words that could describe my feelings, so I came up with a project for him to really KNOW what it felt like.

In forgiveness, you find that sometimes there is no turning back time, the wounds and scars will always be there, life as you know it CAN move forward, but may NEVER be the same...

After a few weeks of not seeing him or talking to him.  I got up the courage to call him over to ask him a favor.  More than a favor, I wanted him to prove to me that he was not only truly sorry for what had transpired, but REALLY understood the impact on our lives that and UNDERSTAND that we will never be the same.

I bought a glass bowl and some super glue from the Dollar Tree.

I then asked him to take that "home" and throw it on the floor.  I asked him to shatter that bowl and glue it back together.  I informed him, he might have to put in in a plastic bag before he dropped it, just so he makes sure he doesn't lose all the pieces.  I explained that what he did, shattered my life, and I want him to understand how hard it is to piece something back together afterwards.

A few days go by, and I got a call from him asking how things were.  He broke down in tears and explained how he had taken that bowl and done what I'd asked.  He explained how he knows why I told him he might want to put it in a bag before shattering it, as when he dropped it, he couldn't recover all the pieces, no matter how hard he looked and swept and tried.  I cried.  I asked him if he had started trying to put it back together, he said yes, he hadn't made it very far, but he promised he was determined to "make that bowl whole again".  He had issues with the glue and epoxy not mixing well and it falling apart all over again.  I told him that's how I feel some days... The wounds open back up and I feel like I have to start healing all over again.

Another few days pass and he calls and asks to set up a time where he can come over and we can talk.  It was tough, but at that point I needed to hear it, I needed to know, I knew I wouldn't like it, but I needed answers.

He came over the next morning, he looked like I felt. Broken.  We talked.  We told eachother things we NEVER thought we would ever have to say to eachother.  Sometimes you need to tear off the bandaid and asses the damage again before you heal.

After we talked, he said he had something for me.  He had finished the bowl. 

No longer was it the same bowl.  You would never know by looking at it now how it had started.  You can see how parts of it would never piece back together correctly.  One edge was just epoxy and shards in the bottom.  But the bowl, the bowl was whole again.  I cried.  We talked about how hard it was to do.  How he knew there was no way to make it "perfect" like it used to be, but how out of the shards, he wanted to make it better, stronger, and more beautiful.

It has been almost a year and this bowl has been, and always will be a reminder to both of us, that just like life, love and marriage is hard work.  Yet even when things fall apart and break, there are times when you can pick up the pieces and make your love and marriage not only whole again, but sometimes stronger... It will never be the same, but you learn...

It is currently the main spotlighted object in our new/redone cabinet.

UPDATE

I have shared this with a few of our friends and family, and have gotten a lot of great responses.  One of the responses came from one of my good friend who's husband was a NA Sponsor.  She said she thought it was a brilliant idea for him to share with his sponsored people and have them do to understand what their addiction does to the family and friends around them.  I don't know if it would work with all people and loved ones, but this really helped us.